The diary of a married woman

Like any other newly wed lady, I too am often asked 'Hows it going' and most of the times, people look so prepared with the answer, as if the life after marriage is so same for everybody. So, hows it?

I don't know! Really! Sometimes, it feels completely awesome, sometimes I doubt if I am even made for such a commitment, sometimes life seems so settled and full of love; some other times, you find others unnecessarily dragging your life to nowhere; sometimes you feel blessed, sometimes confused, sometimes angry, sometimes stupid, sometimes something else. I don't know, if one single process has ever made me or would ever make me experience such a huge range of emotions, simultaneously. All in all, its going good. 

All living beings look for a never ending source of love and care in their lives. Marriage, definitely serves as an instrument to help you discover that source. The feeling that you own somebody is nice, different and addictive. Addictive, because as the time passes it becomes difficult to share or get detached with that person. Marriage brings to you the chance to grow, to become better and responsible, to learn, to love, to share.. but at the same time, it makes you demanding, possessive, judgmental and inexpressive. 

One interesting observation in marriage, esp. relevant in arranged ones - does the love arise, because you are sleeping with that person. My answer : NO. Intense physical proximity could create infatuation that might last for few days, till the bubble pricks. After all, the moments you miss the most and make you long for the other one are the ones lived off the bed. Getting up in the morning and seeing a naive and innocent face, sleeping like a baby beside you, makes you fall in love for him more than what happened hours before you get up. Yeah! But that does not mean that post-marital love is not corporal - the smile on face; the eyes fixed on you, the fingers netted together, the random hug.. or just sitting side-by-side with hand on shoulder. Psycho-somatic :D

Another huge observation after marriage. Cooking! Men really do have a way to their heart through stomach. You cook good food or not, but a considerable time of your just-married life is spent on thinking about what to be cooked now, even if there's a cook working for you and an expert mother-in-law already taking care of everything happening in kitchen. And if you have a husband, who could cook, and thinks of himself as no less than a Master Chef, you are in a big shit. Even now, when I am writing this blog, I am thinking of going to market to buy some spinach... so that hubby dear could have palak-ki-daal, which of course I also like. Indians, even if they start living on moon, would still love to have a wife that could cook exotic menu for them, three times a day, day after day. Men may not accept this fact, but this is true - A wife, who cooks good food is loved more than the wife, who does not :(

Another change after marriage is that you grow big ears! Everyone advises. The prominent topics include developing patience, how to adjust better, family planning, managing home with career, getting early, or how to behave yourself after marriage. More pathetic - your own mom and dad, asking you to 'khayal rakho' of him! Wow Man You Are Lucky!

Now lets come on more serious stuff. Two people are living under the same roof and they both know that they are the wiser one and that the other person is very difficult to deal with and does not want to acknowledge other's mental superiority. Now what would you do. FIGHT for your RIGHT! Now this is a very sweet situation if happening on and off; but what if it happens every second day? What? Nothing... fight and keep fighting. Between two fights, you would get time to love and talk and crack jokes and shop and do all things that other people do. And yes, after fights, do not wait for your husband to come and manao you... he would NOT come! Remember - you are the wiser one and the husband is difficult to deal with and he would not acknowledge your mental superiority :P

Other thing that you have to do is to gel with a new family, make them a part of your life and become a part of their lives. In small nuclear families of our age, one member could take an entire family anywhere from heaven to hell. Gone are the days, when girls used to go to sasuraal after marriage. These days its more like a transfer programme - from one family to another - thats it. I see a huge change in the way people have increased their acceptability quotient for daughters-in-law. You are not really expected to behave in any peculiar fashion, except of whole-heartedly accepting your in-laws and genuinely becoming a part of them. At least, this is what I could assess from my new home. I am only expected to love them and in return their is loads and loads of love for me. Its a nice feeling, when you are accepted the way you are and not really required to change anything in  yourself unnecessarily. Fair enough!

So all in all, I could say.. getting married is not a bad thing.. if the equations get balanced. And yes, the reaction keeps happening all your life and you have to be very vigilant to keep the equation in balance. Any point of time, the moles on LHS and RHS may not match, fetching you in a huge trouble. The happiness of marriage depends on case to case and time to time. The same marriage might see all shades from black to white. But, one thing that has to remain constant is genuine love. I would not call it true love.. because I have never seen a true love. But genuine love definitely lasts. Love the person for what he is.. if you do, you would never show disrespect for him and someday, would definitely understand what goes in his head.. and perhaps the day you understand this, he would fall in true love with you!

That that you have been searching all your life, marriage 'sometimes' brings to your doorsteps.